Going Bald
The dreaded day became the sweetest memory
Day 21
Very little about cancer registers with a seven-year-old that is starting on this journey. From Day 1 Shepherd has operated with a confidence that victory is assured. Even when he fights the medications that leave a bitter taste, or the needles that frequently come, he understands that these hard things must be done. The one thing that he has rejected as an option is losing his hair.
As he was in the hospital for Round 2 of chemo (this was a 5-day cycle) he would watch the other kids pass by his room with no hair and he began to understand this was inevitable. He was invited to join in an art class the Child Life Specialists were leading for inpatients at Seattle Children’s. Ashley encouraged him to join with hopes that he would connect with other kids, since we know he has been missing his friends at school. He rejected the invitation and when pressed he shared that he didn’t feel like he would belong because he still had his hair.
I will take a quick moment to educate on cancer. You may already understand but I have needed every children’s book that foundations keep offering our children to understand what their brother is going through. Our bodies are made of cells, and these cells divide and multiply and we continue to grow. Every once in awhile, for no apparent reason (other than we live in a broken world) a cell goes bad, and then that cell starts to multiply. Good cells have a purpose and multiply by design, cancer cells don’t have a purpose and multiply creating chaos. Chemotherapy kills cells. Good cells and cancer cells are all being killed. I won’t get into some of the areas of the body that will be impacted because tender cells are being attacked, but the doctor explained that hair cells die quickly and the hair falls out. This process can be scary, and is annoying as the scalp can be tender and becomes itchy. Alright, back to Shep.
I made the decision not to pressure Shepherd to shave his head before Round 2 because a nurse said that once it starts falling out, they usually ask to shave. I thought we had more time. Night one of treatment the shedding began. As the stay went on Shep would leave a trail of hair worse than our old Labrador. Ashley has been an amazing mother and advocate for our son, but this process broke her heart.
Shep and Ashley came home on Day 20 (10/20/25) and on Day 21 (I have started numbering the days from his first day of chemotherapy) while they were returning from a follow up appointment for more shots, Shepherd let Ashley know we could shave his head. She sent a text to a few friends and what happened next was incredible. Picture the movie Inside Out with Joy and Sadness embracing a core memory I will carry forever.
Ashley let me know via text that Shep was ready to shave his head and some friends may be there at 3:30 and was hoping I would be able to make it. There was no way I was missing this. As I walked in the house Shep was beaming because he was going to see his friends. Shortly after, people started showing up, and they kept showing up. Some parents have mentioned that their boys would shave their heads in solidarity, but this felt like a pretty big ask, and I wasn’t sure if it would even help Shepherd.
Everyone brought such a united joy and excitement to be on Shepherd’s team. Once 30 children were running around the backyard and parents were setting up multiple shaving stations, Shepherd and I were caught up in the moment. Before we knew it the clippers were buzzing and the crowd was cheering. I fought tears as I looked over to see other boys grinning as they stood with their friend, and as I tried not to hurt Shepherd’s tender scalp as the clumps that had not yet fallen were removed. I still can’t believe this is happening.
The party rolled on, and we hooked up the leaf blower to clean up the itchy remains on the brave soldiers, however things changed for Shepherd. He caught a glimpse of his reflection and the thing he had now been dreading for three weeks had happened. He found a beanie and tried to hide his head. Like a fool I snatched it off and told him to be proud. I wanted to honor the other boys shaving and their parents who offered their sons to the gauntlet of dads buzzing scalps. I realized my mistake as Shep hid in the laundry room and let the tears fly. Sometimes as a parent you make mistakes and you just don’t know how to dig out of the hole you dug. I was hopeless.
Then Shep and I heard a voice. His dear friend Boaz came in and tenderly asked Shepherd if he wanted to play up in Shep’s room. We were keeping everyone outside, but Shep looked at me inquisitively to see if this may be okay. Of course they could. His head was now too sensitive for a hat or beanie, but he covered up with the hood of his sweatshirt, and after a couple minutes with Boaz, they were back outside with the crew. At the end of the day, ten brave boys lost their hair. Nash, Cade, Hank, Gus, Zeke, Brody, Weston, Theo, Oliver, and Shepherd. I salute you!
Shep took some pictures, but kept his hood on. A day later he is still struggling with the baldness, but we are so thankful for the army God has placed around us in this season, to help us move forward with steps big and small.
