Our Old/New House

Embracing change as a family

Easter looked different for our family this year. Shepherd was in the middle of his twelfth round of chemo, so Ashley loaded him and little sister Winnie up for Seattle Children’s, while Bruin and I took the window to empty the storage pod in our driveway. Our kitchen is not done, but our time in the rental was. Bruin is getting better at Tetris, so he helped me stack furniture out of the way for the crew to keep working. We can see the finish line (as well as the backyard with our new window) to the kitchen, and we are thankful for the long days the crew has put in to make it safe for Shepherd to be home.

We officially moved back in on Wednesday night. Ashley and I had been moving carloads back over each night this week, and everyone was excited to be back in our own beds. Even with furniture stacked and clothes, books, and toys haphazardly thrown in boxes and piled around us, there is an optimism that this new season is bringing out in our family.

Ashley and I agree that we are not chasing the past with how we hope to move back into our home. Shepherd’s diagnosis changed our lives in ways that we are still understanding. We have been given an opportunity to shift the patterns we were stuck in. After years of uncertainty and transition we realize we had been holding onto things—and rhythms—that no longer serve us. Living out of suitcases and without schedule stability has taught us to be more thoughtful and appreciate what matters.

As I was putting the boys to bed this week, I was reminded how much we’ve changed by the wallpaper in their room. Ashley found this amazing wallpaper when we were setting up the boys room that has made it my favorite room in the house. It has dragons, trains, racecars, castles, sharks, and all the things a boy falls asleep dreaming about. The boys and I have stared at it many times while huddled in their bunk bed making up stories about the images.

We were only out of our house for a few months, but as I stared at the wallpaper it felt too juvenile for the young men that now lived in that space. The life we have lived has aged us all. We have each carried the weight differently, but there is a camaraderie that we share which I could not have anticipated. There have been conversations with each kid that you don’t expect to have with someone at their age, but they were thrust into life and appreciate its value in new ways.

I’m in no rush to change out the wallpaper in their room, but I am reflecting on the gift we have been given to move back into our new/old home. It feels nostalgic, but we all realize we are different. I am pretty sure we would have missed this growth perspective if we had stayed in the same old place. Now the same old house is where we get to start fresh.

What’s the Latest

• Shepherd finished his 12th of 14 chemotherapy cycles last Monday

• Cycle 13 starts this Thursday

• Team Willms is back home and the neighbors have embraced the noise as children are again running through the yards

• Baseball season has started for Bruin so you can find us at the snack shack while the kitchen project wraps up

• If we can stay on schedule Shepherd’s last day of chemotherapy would fall on Ashley’s birthday! (May 5)

Shoutout

The Dudes

Over 10 years ago a group of 6 friends committed to meeting annually for the purpose of sustaining our friendship despite distance and encouraging each other to be the men, husbands, and fathers we were committed to become. We found that as dudes it was easier to talk about the Seahawks than the challenges we may be facing or the goals we were chasing, so we pledged to carve out time to be different. Since we started there has been so many twists and turns in each of our stories, but we have found that when you know you will answer for the decisions you have made to a council of your chosen peers you begin to live with intentionality. It is fun to share achievements and milestones, but to face whatever challenges knowing you are not alone has made all the difference.

It is because of this group that I started making these posts. They knew that I can “go dark” and they challenged me to share updates to help process. I thought there would only be five people following me (well 6, but mom loves everything I do) so it has been overwhelming to have so many of you join in. Some days have been too hard to post, but I’ve been able to vent to this group, and they have kept me moving with relentless forward progress. Thank you.

Other links if you’re interested…

CaringBridge (Ashley and friends keeping people updated)

Helping Hands for Team Willms (tax deductible way to support the Willms)